Ever wooooonderrrr....
Erm. Have you ever felt like, everything is just crashing around you but youre the only one who can see and feel it and everybody else thinks youre overreacting.
Mum feels like she losing me as far as I can gather but I feel like I lost her. Alex never speaks to me any more. I feel like im almost betraying mum and Alex by seeing Dad Candy Josh Matt and Danny. But I think Ive been made to feel like that.
And my gramma and grampa dont want to meet me. :(
They think im not Dads
because mum said so.
:\
Oh life, What HAPPENED to you.
About Me
- SparklyDinerGirl
- Hello! My name is Aimée! I'm quite little, I have a few things that are important to me and I love them all: - My better half (Who shall just be known as C for the purposes of the blog) - My job - My family - My friends - My plans for the future I have random moments, never seem to have enough time, sometimes I appear to have TOO much time, I love to draw anything, I am completely illogical and often don't even make sense to myself! Welcome to my world :)
Sunday, 19 September 2010
Tuesday, 14 September 2010
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FOR FUCKS SAKE WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME!??!!?!
What is with my FAMILY??
Liars, Cheats, Dysfunction, Psychos and its turning me into a mad person and I cant do this anymore its fucking killing me!!!!
I get told im fat, I get treated like im ten, wrapped in cotton wool so nothing will ever happen to me WELL like in the awesome film FINDING NEMO if nothing happens to me NOTHING WILL EVER HAPPEN TO ME.
LET ME BE ME!!!! FOR FUCKS SAKE STOP ITTT!!!
LEAVE ME ALOOOOONE!!!!
I hate myself.
What is with my FAMILY??
Liars, Cheats, Dysfunction, Psychos and its turning me into a mad person and I cant do this anymore its fucking killing me!!!!
I get told im fat, I get treated like im ten, wrapped in cotton wool so nothing will ever happen to me WELL like in the awesome film FINDING NEMO if nothing happens to me NOTHING WILL EVER HAPPEN TO ME.
LET ME BE ME!!!! FOR FUCKS SAKE STOP ITTT!!!
LEAVE ME ALOOOOONE!!!!
I hate myself.
Wednesday, 8 September 2010
Waiting...
Waiting on the world to change.
Well it has, and I made it change.
For the better might I add.
Sooo I havent posted in a few weeks. Basically....
Im still jobless.
Still Carless.
Still flatless - but living with Nannyy :)
Ive been to the doctors and gained weight and my cholesterol is too high.
I have more blood tests tomorrow.
Oh yes and Ive gained four brothers a stepmum and my Dads back :)
YES.
Its TRUE. :D
And how chuffed are you Aimee you say?
Very chuffed I say.
More than chuffed. :D
Hes lovely!!!!!!! Theyre ALL lovely!!!
So Mum isnt happy. I dont know what I can do to make her happy, shes crying all over the Gaff but lets be perfectly honest here and take a step back.
Yes, Robin was a "dad" to me for nearly eight years but he isnt MY Dad is he? People yo yo in and out of my life for years and years and I never even got the CHANCE to know my real Dad and now I do and Im happy, theyre really happy and mums the only one not happy about it.
It was GOING to happen no matter what, Im nearly twenty for fucks sake. No I dont want to live in Essex, I want to get a life, get a home of my own, a car, a job and I want to stick it here - Ive heard what Dad was like after she left with me and I do not intend on leaving.
Im standing my ground - I always have, its me. I wont go back on my word to my Daddy, and leave again. I cannot do that to him, or Candy, or Josh or Matt and Danny.
And I wont do it to myself.
But yeah. The last week has been Epic. :)
xxxxxxxx Much to report.
Will leave it for a bit.
Ceeb with html.
Well it has, and I made it change.
For the better might I add.
Sooo I havent posted in a few weeks. Basically....
Im still jobless.
Still Carless.
Still flatless - but living with Nannyy :)
Ive been to the doctors and gained weight and my cholesterol is too high.
I have more blood tests tomorrow.
Oh yes and Ive gained four brothers a stepmum and my Dads back :)
YES.
Its TRUE. :D
And how chuffed are you Aimee you say?
Very chuffed I say.
More than chuffed. :D
Hes lovely!!!!!!! Theyre ALL lovely!!!
So Mum isnt happy. I dont know what I can do to make her happy, shes crying all over the Gaff but lets be perfectly honest here and take a step back.
Yes, Robin was a "dad" to me for nearly eight years but he isnt MY Dad is he? People yo yo in and out of my life for years and years and I never even got the CHANCE to know my real Dad and now I do and Im happy, theyre really happy and mums the only one not happy about it.
It was GOING to happen no matter what, Im nearly twenty for fucks sake. No I dont want to live in Essex, I want to get a life, get a home of my own, a car, a job and I want to stick it here - Ive heard what Dad was like after she left with me and I do not intend on leaving.
Im standing my ground - I always have, its me. I wont go back on my word to my Daddy, and leave again. I cannot do that to him, or Candy, or Josh or Matt and Danny.
And I wont do it to myself.
But yeah. The last week has been Epic. :)
xxxxxxxx Much to report.
Will leave it for a bit.
Ceeb with html.
Sunday, 22 August 2010
I wanna
know your name.
I have discovered Love in the unlikliest of places and for things I never thought Id love...
Love Life - Club in Wellingborough, such a laugh
Love in Family - Jade I dont know why weve seen each other only a few times over the last nineteen years but Im glad its changed. LoveYaCuz.IDo
Love the Swedish House Mafia - :D
Love Lava - Club in Northampton OMGGGGGZ Epic Win to infinity and beyond.
Love in a Jagerbomb - no more needed.
Love friendly people!!
Phwoar. Lottalovin.
Also on the menu:
Amy is back soon so i can ring her - served with a smile
MY Amy is back from cornwall and we had a lovely chat earlier - served with generous portions of grinning
Rich got his face bashed by some boy in a fight yadda yadda - served with worry and regret, best accompaniment is cheap vodka.
....and for dessert - Aching. All over from a bottomless jug of dancing.
I have discovered Love in the unlikliest of places and for things I never thought Id love...
Love Life - Club in Wellingborough, such a laugh
Love in Family - Jade I dont know why weve seen each other only a few times over the last nineteen years but Im glad its changed. LoveYaCuz.IDo
Love the Swedish House Mafia - :D
Love Lava - Club in Northampton OMGGGGGZ Epic Win to infinity and beyond.
Love in a Jagerbomb - no more needed.
Love friendly people!!
Phwoar. Lottalovin.
Also on the menu:
Amy is back soon so i can ring her - served with a smile
MY Amy is back from cornwall and we had a lovely chat earlier - served with generous portions of grinning
Rich got his face bashed by some boy in a fight yadda yadda - served with worry and regret, best accompaniment is cheap vodka.
....and for dessert - Aching. All over from a bottomless jug of dancing.
Monday, 16 August 2010
the general update
ok so it took a while. But ive recorded some days... aaaand not posted so here they are.
Things are just getting bad.
Im actually crying haha
LOSERKID moment.
actually after careful thought im just going to post this and the most recent one and WRITE what happened inbetween.
Im still texting the ex. Ouch. It hurts. He makes me feel funny.
I went clubbing and had an amazing time with my cousin, ive been to her friends house and had chinese, ive missed my gorgeous husband George :( a lot. Ive had blood tests. they were shit. i got a call from the doctors telling me theres something up. I have been thrown up on, thrown up, been concussed by a toilet door being wielded by my cousin...wounded myself in front of sam on webcam and ive missed my friends.
Ohhh not much really.
Things are just getting bad.
Im actually crying haha
LOSERKID moment.
actually after careful thought im just going to post this and the most recent one and WRITE what happened inbetween.
Im still texting the ex. Ouch. It hurts. He makes me feel funny.
I went clubbing and had an amazing time with my cousin, ive been to her friends house and had chinese, ive missed my gorgeous husband George :( a lot. Ive had blood tests. they were shit. i got a call from the doctors telling me theres something up. I have been thrown up on, thrown up, been concussed by a toilet door being wielded by my cousin...wounded myself in front of sam on webcam and ive missed my friends.
Ohhh not much really.
Tuesday, 10 August 2010
And WHEN I went downstairs...
HE WAS WATCHING PORN!!
LOL.
Had a good night :) Jade Abbie Tina and Uncle D came over :) sat in the garden chattin for ages, Jade picked my outfit for Friday night! :D LBD and Black platforms. NICE.
Rich has been texting me today :) I like talking to him...still talks about sex all the time though. I made it perfectly clear nothing is going to happen whilst hes still with his girlfriend and to be honest Im not entirely sure what to think.
I do love him. A lot. Im not sure im entirely over him. Or over him at all. I just blocked him out, all the feelings, the memories and I try so hard not to think about him. I dont want to get hurt again.
It will finish me if it all happens over again.
But Im a different person now. I can see him and not expect anything ever. Im not a pushover any more.
I want to see...and I dont want to see.
Oh goddd I want him so bad lol.
That is NOT a good thing.
Always wanting what I cant/shouldnt have...
*sigh*
What happened to the simple life?
no html CBA.
LOL.
Had a good night :) Jade Abbie Tina and Uncle D came over :) sat in the garden chattin for ages, Jade picked my outfit for Friday night! :D LBD and Black platforms. NICE.
Rich has been texting me today :) I like talking to him...still talks about sex all the time though. I made it perfectly clear nothing is going to happen whilst hes still with his girlfriend and to be honest Im not entirely sure what to think.
I do love him. A lot. Im not sure im entirely over him. Or over him at all. I just blocked him out, all the feelings, the memories and I try so hard not to think about him. I dont want to get hurt again.
It will finish me if it all happens over again.
But Im a different person now. I can see him and not expect anything ever. Im not a pushover any more.
I want to see...and I dont want to see.
Oh goddd I want him so bad lol.
That is NOT a good thing.
Always wanting what I cant/shouldnt have...
*sigh*
What happened to the simple life?
no html CBA.
Three words
wont save us.
BASICALLY.
I got drunk last night.
By myself.
As you can see from the past two videos.
Absolutely tragic, I admitted a LOT of feelings. For Rich. And boy2.
Well, Boy2 is now completely out of the picture - Fuck that! What a FOOL I was to get involved with him. Moron.
Rich however...
Well.
I dont know WHAT to think.
He broke my heart over and over, and I STILL havent given up on him. Just because I shoved those feelings, bottled up, to the back of my mind doesnt mean that theyre gone.
And apparently, he can bring them all back, uncorked, flooding the front of my mind.
Oh. Dear.
Out of the frying pan, into the fucking volcano.
Nothings gonna happen whilst he still has a girlfriend. No. I cant do that, as much as I want her to suffer (BITCH) Im not reeeeeally that type of person now am I?
am I?
no.
Im not.
I swear if we meet up and hes still with her he can have a hug and nothing else.
No.
Im not a carpet, im not his sex slave and I shant be walked all over again.
Got a giant marker today. And a copy of titanic for three quid. FACKIN BARGAIN.
BASICALLY.
I got drunk last night.
By myself.
As you can see from the past two videos.
Absolutely tragic, I admitted a LOT of feelings. For Rich. And boy2.
Well, Boy2 is now completely out of the picture - Fuck that! What a FOOL I was to get involved with him. Moron.
Rich however...
Well.
I dont know WHAT to think.
He broke my heart over and over, and I STILL havent given up on him. Just because I shoved those feelings, bottled up, to the back of my mind doesnt mean that theyre gone.
And apparently, he can bring them all back, uncorked, flooding the front of my mind.
Oh. Dear.
Out of the frying pan, into the fucking volcano.
Nothings gonna happen whilst he still has a girlfriend. No. I cant do that, as much as I want her to suffer (BITCH) Im not reeeeeally that type of person now am I?
am I?
no.
Im not.
I swear if we meet up and hes still with her he can have a hug and nothing else.
No.
Im not a carpet, im not his sex slave and I shant be walked all over again.
Got a giant marker today. And a copy of titanic for three quid. FACKIN BARGAIN.
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